Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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