Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fuck appropriateness.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
