He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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