Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
