Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
