it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize