Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
