When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
