I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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