All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
