He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
