The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
