my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
