it's not cheating when I paid for it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
