the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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