Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
