I CAN MOONWALK!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
