I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
