I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
