Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
