What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
