I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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