Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
