omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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