Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
