my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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