But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
