I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
NoShamevember. You game?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
