No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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