Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
