Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
