Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize