Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
