Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
