The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
