He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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