I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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