You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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