my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
