Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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