Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
