new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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