he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
