so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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