Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
