Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
