sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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