I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
