That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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