I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
