i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
