He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
