I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
