I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
