oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He passed out mid-signature
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
