In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Randomize