Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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