You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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