I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize