Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
