just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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