Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
