i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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