I need to stop coming to work sober
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
