I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
