I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
