I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
