Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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