when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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