So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
