I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
