if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
