Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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