just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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